Bible Study

Yesterday (the day after Christmas) I ran into one of my Bible Study friends. She reminded me that we have a very short window of a few months before baseball season started to get together and try to resume (or revive) our group. She said, "Even if we can get together and just read the scriptures, I think that would be great." Her sweet comments made me smile.

Honestly, I haven't even thought about Bible Study. It's probably been four or five months since we've all gotten together. And as moms and working women, it's rather hard to get together every month. That's why we agreed that even getting together every few months would be better than nothing. But it's hard to have a close group that way.

I've decided that I am going to pray about it none-the-less. As the discussion leader, I feel that it's important to be prepared to lead our group in whatever God has planned for us - we have no set devotion or study guide. I think the girls like it that way. However, it requires alot of prayer and a close walk with my Savior, which is something that I feel I am lacking in these days.

Rest

I am sitting here in my quiet house (no daughter or husband) listening to Christmas music via the satellite and watching the twinkling lights on our tree. Resting. On the Lord's Day.

I can hear the dish washer. And I hear the dryer in the utility room (the washing machine is finished with yet another load of laundry and "patiently" waiting to be emptied). Our air is on - if you can believe that!

And I gently hear the voice of the Lord say, "Rest." What a great word!

I like to think of Mary at this time of year. Nine months pregnant and riding a donkey all that way to Bethlehem? My crazy, selfish brain wants to ask, "What in the world were you thinking? How did you deliver your own child?" I think she must have been pretty darn special - in every way. God obviously did. A girl, yet a woman, too. Did she have any type of conversation with her mother before she and Joseph struck out about what to expect? What to do? Was Joseph any help at all? What did it feel like - in between contractions - to quickly be told there is no where to lay down? No where to rest?

Oh, Father, may there always be plenty of room in my heart and life for You to find complete and utter rest.

Benchmarking

“Lord, how can I love You today?”

“What act of worship can I do?”

“What words can I utter that will honor and bless You?”

“What act of service can I do to represent Your love?”

“How would Your Spirit inspire me to pray today?”

These five questions were the topic of this weekend’s devotional in December’s issue of Journey magazine (which I love. I keep my copy on my desk at work). I thought they were great questions to ponder over.

Where I work, we are driven and graded by satisfaction scores. Those scores are then compared and evaluated against other benchmarking facilities within our peer group. The goal is always to be performing at the highest percentile of your benchmarking group. Maybe one facility has high employee turnover. That facility can in turn, contact someone within their peer group who may be performing at a much lower turnover rate and ask, “What are you doing to encourage employee morale? What benefits are you offering to retain employees?” so that they can try new methodologies to improve their own satisfaction scores.

Another thing that we pride ourselves on is customer service. We are training our employees to ask, “Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

When I read over the five questions above, I thought of them as benchmarks to my own prayer life. How often do I tell God that I truly love Him? Do I just rattle through my prayers and then go about my day as I want? Do I really put God first in all that I say and do? Is God honored with my actions and words? Do I magnify the name of Jesus with my life or do I belittle it? Do I hinder others from knowing the Lord?

I admit, when I benchmark my prayer life against these questions, I feel so inadequate. I am so careful to pray for the protection of my family through out the day and wisdom for myself for my job, but I never stop to ask, “Lord, what can I do for you today? Is there anything else I can do for you today, Lord?”

Stop. Ponder. Benchmark. Improve.

2 Corinthians 4:16

December 2002 was not a good month for me. I was nearing my 30th birthday (in January) and was probably suffering from the beginning stages of depression. I was not looking forward to turning the big 3-0 at all. I felt like my life was slipping away from me.

Even though I was battling that huge cloud of gloom, I managed to continue my daily quiet times and Bible reading. But God still seemed distant and silent.

One Saturday afternoon, I took advantage of the quiet house (I remember Wayne was at the camp) and opened my Bible and began reading in 2 Corinthians.

I love when God speaks, but I hate when he uses a megaphone. That day, I was sitting on the couch and the words to the following verse seemed to just jump off the page at me, " Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day" (2 Corinthians 4:16). In the margin of my Bible, I wrote, "30th Birthday 12/23/02."

I remember thinking, "Wow!" But, God was saying, "Hello?! Anybody home (knocking on the door of my heart) ? Are you getting this, Laura? It's not about your outward body. It's not about you getting older. It's not about you. It's about your heart." That day, my dark and gloomy life began to see sunlight again.

I bring this memory up because 2 Corinthians 4:16 was part of my devotional reading tonight. I was able to go back to that personal altar and remember. It seems so childish now, but God can use the silliest ideas and turn them in to something so amazing for His honor and glory. I know that from experience. And I love Him for it.

Advent: Preparing My Heart

Updated: I was just about to push the publish button when my mother called to tell me that my Grandmother has been diagnosed with three brain tumors. The largest is the size of a fist. She is 83.

Today is the first Sunday of the 2008 Advent Season.

The word "advent" is not something that I grew up hearing a whole lot in a Christian home and Baptist Church. It was simply, Christmas. The celebration of Jesus' birth. However, a few years ago, I did a little research on the advent season and it's meaning and I was greatly surprised that it's meaning and origin pretains to so much more than just the birth of Christ.

Advent has much to do with the preparation and anticipation of Christ's second coming. As Christians, our hope rests in the anticipation of a Messiah that will one day rule with peace, justice, and righteousness. It is the joy that floods our souls upon knowing that we will be reunited with our loved ones again. God poured Himself into a babe in a manger so that the world would know of His great love and longing to reconcile His creation to Himself. First came the virgin birth and now we await His second arrival.

I'm excited about Christmas this year and not for any particuliar reason. There is a renewed spirit within me for what the season truly means: celebration and expectation.

I want to do things differently this year. I want to prepare my heart by means of enlarging it for whatever God has planned for me this Advent season. I want to spend time in His word daily and find renewed love for Him and His purposes. And sometimes that is so hard. My desires normally come first and I have a three year old. But for the next 31 days, I want to fully commit to doing things God's way and exalting Him above all else.

The verse that comes to my mind tonight is Isaiah 9:6, "For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder and His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Birth. Longing for redemption from an evil world. Anticipation of the second coming. Soon.

8 Spiritual Things About Me

1. I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was in the third grade. I remember wearing my pink Easter dress with the slits in the sleeves that year when I walked down the aisle that Sunday night with my daddy. Walking down the aisle was a big deal to me and something that I absolutely did not want to do, but Daddy made me do it anyway. Of course, I was crying, because even then, I cried about everything!

2. I was baptized in a white and purple gingham dress. Imagine that! I'm not sure how long after I accepted Christ that I was baptized, but it wasn't very long. My mom was with me in the baptistry, not beside me, but there just the same.

3. When I was a teenager, I had one of those white Bibles that zipped up. It was the rage.

4. The year before Wayne and I got married, I taught second graders in Sunday School at my home church. On promotion day, the day I got "my class," the preacher handed me the roll and said, "Bless you, Child." I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Those kids are in college now.

5. My mom never let me go to church with my friends that believed differently than we or were a different religion. My friends could come to church with me, but not vice versa. For instance, my favorite neighborhood friend was Luthern and no matter how many times we begged, I could never go to church with her. It would be years before I would step into a Methodist church and TONS of years later before I would attend a Catholic wedding.

6. My life verse is Jeremiah 29:11. That's where it all began for me.

7. I don't read my Bible like I should. I love God's Word and I consider it a love letter to His children, but I tend to take it for granted and not appreciate it or hide it in my heart like I should. I have a bad habit of putting other reading before His.

8. In college, God used a very spiritual guy that I went to church with, but didn't know personally, to convince me to leave a dysfuntional relationship that I was in with someone else. At the time, I knew this particuliar relationship was not right for me and I was earnestly praying that God would send me a Chrisitan husband. I thought this guy from my church was him. Wrong. A few months later, I met Wayne. See Jeremiah 29:11.

Mirya Carey Quote

Mariah Carey is on the front cover of "Redbook's" December issue. I did not read the entire interview but I thought the following quote was interesting.

Mariah said that she celebrates Christmas with family and friends at her home in Aspen, Colorado. When describing her decorations, she says, "...And we have a manager set up in the front room because, to me, the season is about celebrating, about being with friends and loved ones, but first and foremost it's about the birth of Christ, and I think it's important to remember that."

The interviewer's next question is: "How does that religious aspect of the holiday fit into your celebration?"

Mariah responds, "One year I did a concert for Camp Mariah....that benefits underprivileged children. And every year I work with the foster kids of Denver. We do holiday events for them....Santa comes...."

My question is, did Mariah totally misunderstand that last question or does she totally misunderstand the "religious aspect of the holiday being the birth of Christ"?

(Source: Redbook, December 2008, "Mariah's Sweet Dreams of Christmas, by Julia Dahl, page 122)

Falling

This evening when I was leaving work, I fell just outside the back door that leads to our building. I didn't slip; my ankle just gave and down I went. Of course, it had been raining, so I got wet, too. I was so thankful that no one was around - that I know of - to see me fall.

The first thing that entered my head when I managed to get back up was Ephesians 2:8, "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God." Instead of berating myself subconsciously about how stupid and grace-less I was, a Bible verse came to mind. And of all Bible verses, why this one?

I'm still trying to figure this one out.

A Few of My Favorite Fall Things

I couldn't let the last day of September go by without sharing a few of my favorite fall items:

You probably think my favorite color is orange, don't you?

And, of course, I ALWAYS enjoy a LOT of this:

So what are your favorite fall things?!? What do you like best about Fall?

Sorry to cut this so short, but I'm waiting for Alise's teacher to call me back. We had an "episode" today at school. It involves teeth. More about it later.

Wisdom

One of the first verses I ever memorized was James 1:5, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach." God knows that I need lots of wisdom. Sometimes I remember this verse when I have a decision to make or struggling in some area of my life. Sometimes I do my own thing. Sometimes I simply forget to ask.

This reminder tonight goes right along with my preparation for Bible study about having other gods in my life. I felt God gently encouraging me that I needed to pray for wisdom to know my gods, wisdom to shut them off, wisdom to know my weak moments, and wisdom to know when to simply say "no".

Oh, God! My gods!

I can't believe it has been so long since I've posted here. It seems like July 31st was just yesterday!! Forgive me, Father, but my priorities have not nearly been as focused on You as they should be lately. I could blame all the things that have been going on in my life since July 31st, but You already know what those were/are. Absolutely nothing escapes You.

I've been preparing for our Bible Study this Thursday. We will begin the study, "No Other Gods" by Kelly Minter. I have been so convicted just preparing for it! Oh, God, my gods!! I can understand why those crazy Israelites had Aaron build that golden calf at the foot of the mountain! They didn't have television, a three year old, a computer, novels, a favorite football team, and a job to steal their focus and control their lives.

I have a confession.

When Wayne and I were at the Bama v. Tulane game earlier this month, God decided to bless me with a "teachable moment." The game was just beginning! The band was playing, the players were running out on the field and the whole stadium was in an uproar. Wayne and I were climbing all over each other - and those sitting around us - with excitment...jumping up and down and hollering for our favorite college football team.

As the team ran onto the field, I heard God whisper, "If only you could get this excited about me."

For just a few seconds, I paused.

I thought, "Wow!"

I thought, "I am doing so much wrong."

I whispered back, "Yes, Lord, if only I had the same passion for you!"

I've lost my First Love. I've lost the passion and I have replaced it with the "joys" of this world. It's like the song the choir sung this morning in church, "We're just playing games/at the foot of the cross/not realizing the cost."

My heart has been heavy for a lost friend. With all the media hype about the economy and gas prices and with all that she-bang, I was reminded this week that we are so close to the end. God promised there would be days like this. The news of the economy are only the labor pains. My brain says, "God, come quickly! Take us away from this mess!" But my heart says, "Lord, give me the chance to talk to him one more time. Father, lift the veil from his eyes before it is too late."

Oh, God. Be my God.

15 Minutes of Fame

A few years ago VH1 had a series entitled, "15 Minutes of Fame: Where are they now?". It documented the lives of star celebrities, singers, actors, politicians, etc. that had all reached that pivital moment in their lives and simply asked the question, "What happened to them?" I thought about this show the other night when my daily Bible reading had me in the book of 2 Chronicles.

I read the story about King Uzziah who came to rule Judah when he was only 16 years old! Can you imagine?! The Bible says that "as long as he sought the Lord, God gave him success." Uzziah went out and built this huge army and was successful against defeating the Philistines and as a result of this, word began to spread throughout the land and he became famous. With his fame came power. And with unleashed power came pride.

King Uzziah walked into the temple one day and decided that he would burn incense on the alter. This special task was given only to the priests; not the King. The priests confronted him about his actions and Uzziah became angry. He ranted and raved and then suddenly, the Priests began to notice that the King was breaking out with leprosy on his forehead. He had to live the rest of his life in seclusion...away from his palace and the temple of God. Verse 23 of 2 Chronicles 26 says, "Uzziah rested with his fathers and was buried near them in a field for burial that belonged to the kings, for people said, "He had leprosy.""

For all the good and mighty things that King Uzziah did, his moment of fame was that people remembered him more for having leprosy than they did the battles he won, the skillmanship that he exhibited, or his commandeering. What a shame that Uzziah took his eyes off God and began to see the things that he thought he had done. And I think, "How arrogant to walk into the temple and play Priest!" But I do that everyday when I choose to put my thoughts, desires, and actions before God and what His plans are for me.

Father, I pray for the grace to keep my eyes on You.

I Chronicles 29:11-13

"Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours.

Yours, O Lord, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all.

Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all.

Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name."

How many times do I see the words, "you" and "yours." It's called praise: taking my eyes off myself and my circumstances and turning them up toward Him.

I Could Choke Somebody

How do you feel when you know someone is not living in God's will or is deliberately doing his or her own thing? What if you know that thing is morally, spiritually, and physically wrong and those circumstances have wrecked and laid havoc on so many peoples' lives?

I want to grab that person by the shoulders and say, "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?!"

{Sigh.} {Big Sigh.}

Tonight I read about Paul's testimony in King Agrippa's court. Paul told the king how he had persecuted the Jews and about his conversion on the road to Damascus. He reminded the king about the things that Moses had taught and then asked, "King Agrippa? Do you believe the prophets? I know you do." And King Agrippa replied, "Paul, surely you do not plan to make me a Christian so soon." Discouragement. Sheer discouragment. And the ironic thing was that Paul was already in chains.

My friend ticks me off! I want to yell and scream at her. But when I prayed about it tonight, I heard God say, "Pray. Pray without ceasing." And, so. I continue to pray. I pray inspite of my friend's actions. I pray inspite of my own disappointment and lack of faith (somewhat) that anything good could actually become of these prayers. It's hard to imagine a changed life....a new road and a fresh start for her. But then again, that's exactly what God did for me.

It just hit me just now that I am limiting God. Limiting Him by the way I want things "fixed" and how I want so-and so's life cleaned up. I want to witness a "miracle story" and yet God is capable of so abundantly more. My new prayer will be for God to do so abundantly more than I could ever hope He could in my friend's life.

John Saw the Sign

When Wayne and I were dating, we liked the rock band, Ace of Base. A of B had a song out titled, The Sign. Part of the chorus went something like this: "I saw the sign/and it opened up my eyes/I saw the sign." This afternoon, I was reading in the book of John (the disciple) and his portrayal of John the Baptist (John 1:29-34). John the Baptist saw the sign and it opened up his eyes.

The Baptist was actually Jesus' cousin, born to Zechariah and Elizabeth. He was six months older than Jesus and was the preamble to Jesus' own ministry. The Baptist was not the Messiah, Elijah, or the end time prophet (John 1:25), but he must have been a pretty special person for God to have shared the Sign with him.

Descend and rest. That was the sign! God told The Baptist, "The one on whom you see the Spirit descend and rest is the one who will baptize with the Holy Spirit"(John 1:33). In other words, "He is my son!" The Baptist testifies that he did not know Jesus was the Messiah until he saw the Sign.

Two things:

1)The Sign is "the foretold coming of Jesus" to the Baptist and then it is also Jesus himself. I like to imagine The Bapitist in water up to his waist in the Jordan River. He has his hand raised high, about to baptize a new Jewish believer when a face in the crowd catches his eye. As John baptizes, The Face moves forward and comes to stand at the edge of the bank. John looks up and his eyes lock with the caring and compassionate eyes of The Face. The crowd begins to quiet down because they finally notice the stranger in their midst. Ever so slowly, The Face leaves the bank and wades up to The Baptist. "Baptize me in the name of the Father and Holy Spirit," The Face says and it is done. The heavenly dove descends and rests and John the Baptist's eyes are open. He has seen The Sign.

2)Descend and rest. Quite frankly, the resting part was something I never noticed until today. I knew that in the Old Testament, the Holy Spirit was only given to individuals as God deemed. It was sometimes given and taken away. However, for the first time in the Bible, the Spirit remained. The Spirit rested. As believers in Christ, the Holy Spirit remains in us also. It is up to us as to whether or not we heed it. Does the Spirit find rest in us?

I Love Bibles!

I can't begin to count how many Bibles I have. What can I say? I love God's Word.

There is my pink "Women's Devotional Bible". Remember those? They came out about thirteen years ago for everybody under the SON...the "Men's Devotional Bible,"(in green) the "Couple's Devotional Bible"(in blue). I have all those and the reason I remember the pink one is because it was the Bible Wayne bought me about two months after we were engaged. I've got Bibles in every color you could imagine with my name engraved on them. Wayne also presented me with the first Bible with my new married name engraved on it. It was navy blue leather. I've got many - not all - translations...King James (the ONLY version according to my parents), the New KJ, the NLV, the Message, the NIV, the NLT, and XYZ.

But here is a pic of my favorite, greatest Bible of all time.

This Bible has been to every Beth Moore Bible study that ever existed. It has been -accidently - set in a puddle of water on the kitchen counter and soaked through to the beginning pages of Genesis. My old notes written in hot pink, green, and blue ink, now look like a colorful rainbow. It has gone with me to Women of Faith Conferences and was tucked away in my suitcase for who knows how many business trips and vacations. It holds so many precious mementos: both my Grandpa's obituaries, a newspaper clipping of my dad in 1979, a bookmark that Kate Russell made me when I use to babysit, another beaded bookmark from my best friend, Leigh, as well as a letter I wrote to my father-in-law a few years after he died. As you can tell, my favorite Bible has just about had it!

I remember a friend in one of my Sunday School classes making the comment that one of her most treasured possessions was her Grandmother's Bible. She said that her Grandmother's Bible meant so much to her because inside the Bible, her Grandmother had made notes in the margins, written dates of significance, and these handwritten notes were special because they represented her Grandmother's life. I remember that comment as if it was yesterday and that day, I vowed to start "writing" in my Bible. Now, I come from a family with parents that said "writing in your Bible is a no-no." Every now and then I can remember my mother underlining a verse in hers during a sermon, but for us kids, we just didn't do it. "Maybe" John 3:16 might be highlighted (Heaven forbid!) but other then that, we just didn't write in our Bibles. So, after that particular comment was made, I went to town and I started marking and highlighting and writing all in my Women's Study Bible. I've got every color highlighter, every color ink, Beth Moore quotes, Bill Dye quotes, John Doe quotes written all over the place. On some pages, the margins are completely filled up. And I've also made notes from my own study times and quiet times with Him. And you know what? That friend was right. My Bible has become my life. It is my world because it represents all the things that I have learned and discovered in this Journey about my God. It is personal. It is a part of me. And that is why I just can't seem to part with this particular one.

I asked Wayne one Sunday when we were pulling into our driveway after church if he had any duct tape. That day, the maroon binding had torn off and I was so sad about it. When he asked me why, I told him what my plan was - to tape my Bible back together - and he said, "Laura, that would be sacrilegious to do that. You've got so many Bibles. Just use another one."

About two years ago, Ruth gave Wayne his daddy's Bible - just like it was the day he died - with all the papers still stuck in it. Wayne wasn't home that day when she brought it by so I showed it to him when he got home that night. I noticed a while later that he disappeared to our bedroom with his dad's Bible and when he came back into the living room I could tell that he had been crying. On that day, he understood the importance of a Bible and I don't think all the duct tape in the world would have been enough to hold in the love and significance of holding that black book in his hands the way his daddy had.

There is just something to be said about God's written Word. It is everything that He says that it is. It does not return void. It cannot be added to or deleted from. It DOES endure.

Ms. L

Some husbands give their wives jewelry when they have a baby. For instance, a friend of mine got new diamond earrings from her man for having another baby. Some get a new slide for their slide bracelet or maybe a new necklace with the baby’s birthstone. Me? I got a maid! Yep, that’s right! A maid!

Now, don’t get me wrong. Ms. L is like a breath of fresh air to me. She’s like a little angel that sneaks in to our home when nobody is looking. She sprinkles a little pixy dust and works her magic every other week. I LOVE every other Thursday…knowing that I’ll be coming home to a nice, clean “orderly” home. Even Alise has begun to notice her bed being made and her toys are in their place on the Thursdays afternoons after Ms. L comes! The way I remember how long Ms. L has been cleaning our house is by the age of Alise. I absolutely love the fact, that I don’t have to worry about doing housework (cleaning) and so therefore, it allows me more time to spend with Baby Girl (I will do some “touch up” cleaning in between weeks).

But the Wednesdays before Ms. L comes the next day? Well, that’s a different story! All three Horton’s are running around picking up and straightening up so that at least everything is out of the way of the things that are to be cleaned. Alise has to pick up all her toys, I have to tidy the kitchen (Ms. L doesn’t do dishes), Wayne has to gather the trash and pick up after himself, I have to hang clothes that I’ve just thrown on the rocking chair in our bedroom…the list goes on and on! We’re running around cleaning for the maid!! And, of course, my husband just doesn’t understand it! He asks, “What are we paying her for?”

Last night I was thinking that I would have to do the same running around and straightening up today to get ready for Ms. L’s visit tomorrow. And then, something struck me: How often do people think that they’ve got to get their lives in order before they can come to Jesus? Just like I think that my house needs to be “picked up” before the maid can come, so many people think, “Well, I’ve got to quit smoking before I can get saved” or “I’ve got to quit hanging out at the bars before I can talk to God again” or “I’ve got to get married and have a family before I can start going to church?” And even as a daughter of Christ, I make the same mistakes in my own life. I don’t put God first nearly as much as I should. I think, “Oh, just let me write one more email” or “Let me fold just one more load of laundry before I open my Bible” and God gets the leftovers. By then, I’m drained and tired and my mind is not totally focused on what He might have to say to me. Jesus said to simply “Come.” “Come unto Me, all you who are heavy burdened and I will give you rest.”

No matter what you’re going through – or what you’ve done or currently doing – Jesus will give you the rest and peace you need. You simply have to take Him at His word and believe that He is Who He says He is! The Great I AM.

So….I’m back on my knees in the mornings (most of the time before Alise wakes up! This morning, I could hear Hannah Montana in the living room while I prayed. Imagine that! But I was able to block her out!) reading from Psalms and Proverbs. At night, I read my Bible and do a short devotional. It’s hard getting back into habits. But this is one habit that I know I will benefit the most from. I encourage you to get in God’s Word and let the Great I AM speak to you.

Philippians 2:13 - Continued

I can not believe the people and situations God has placed me in the last two days. Here goes:

Yesterday, I had lunch with a friend that I've been thinking about and praying for for several months. I invited her to our Bible Study in July. She and I had lunch together yesterday and I asked if she thought she might come to Bible Study. She told me that she thought she might. We're planning on watching the new Chonda Pierce video and I asked if she had ever heard of her. She said she had. She told me that she had actually attended a Women of Faith conference a few years ago. I was shocked. When I asked if she knew about Beth Moore, she told me she did. Shocker number two. I don't mean to be mean or sarcastic. I just mean it in a way....well, I can't really describe it. We all have moments when we're involved in things that we shouldn't be. Obviously, my friend comes from a Christian home. She talked about church, but I don't think she is living the life that is indicative of it right now. Enough said.

Today I had a little time to kill in between spot checking inventory at the hospital. One of our managers and I had a very interesting conversation about the book of Ruth. He and his wife attend a church in West Monroe and he said that they have been listening to Bill on the radio after they get home from their church. AS said that he really liked Bill and so did his wife, so I invited them to our church. AS said he really wanted to go but that his wife's family is really deep-rooted in the church they currently attend. He also told me that he came from a Catholic background and that he was not a member of that church. That statement spoke volumes. So we talked about the book of Ruth for a while; I don't think he got the concept of the whole "kindsman redeemer" idea. AS thought that the relationship between Naomi and Ruth was more important; he couldn't understand the love relationship between Ruth and Boaz. He called Boaz Ruth's "sugar daddy" and said that he even voiced this in his own S.S. class (their S.S. class was studying the book of Ruth the same time Bill was preaching on it at our church)! I laughed and said, "AS, I CANNOT believe you said the word 'sugar daddy' in a S.S. class!!" I tried to explain to him even if that WERE the case (which I don't believe it was...), that even God can take something so "bad" and turn it into good for His glory. I asked him if he heard Bill's part of the sermon that talked about Ruth being in the lineage of Christ. He hadn't. We finally had to go back to work. This whole conversation happened today after I even posted my entry last night! I can't help but wonder what is going to happen tomorrow.

Philippians 2:13 was just a verse that God gave me late Sunday night when I opened my Bible. I've decided to start memorizing scripture again and so this is my verse to memorize this week. Little did I know what was about to happen.

I'm not quite sure exactly what "God is working in me." I remember today when AS and I were having our conversation, in my mind I was asking, "God, what are you doing here? What am I suppose to say?" At this point, all I can do is hope and pray that I am doing "what pleases Him."

Philippians 2:13

"For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him."

More to come.

Great Decisions

I just finished Kirk Cameron's autobiography, "Still Growing." It is a very good read and I believe that Kirk is a Christian whole-heartedly. I wanted to share some excerpts from his book, which I think, sum up the question everyone wants to know:

[Kirk says,] "When I was on The O'Reilly Factor, Bill asked, "Has your conversion hurt your career in Hollywood?"

"I answered, "The truth is, I have a beautiful wife. I've been married 15 years. I've got six kids. I've got an exciting career. I'm passionate about a show I love. And I'm talking to Bill O'Reilly in front of 4 million people, not because I was caught with a gun in my hand but because of my faith. So I think it was a great decision."" (page 201, Still Growing)

"...I've been dropped by UTA, AMG, and William Morris agencies. I've made all the wrong decisions, yet 20 years later, I still show up in a positive light on high-profile shows. I'm working on season four of my TV series. And to top it off, my name's written in heaven.

"Life is good. The high cost of following Jesus on the narrow road may look totally backward to some, but the infinite value and adventure has been thrilling beyond my wildest dreams." (page 202, Still Growing)

I see Kirk Cameron in a different light. Yes, he will always be that loveable, Mike Seaver, but now, he has become ever so personal. His struggle to let go of his own dreams and desires for God's will and plan are no different from my own. He prays. He reads his Bible. He is genuinely concerned about where people will spend eternity. Kirk has given back tremendously to those in need and for children who are sick. He wasn't one of those actors that "went the way of Hollywood." Instead, he chose to rise above Hollywood and God has blessed his life because of his decision to be faithful to his Savior.

Atheist

Kirk Cameron a self-professed atheist (not anymore)? I was shocked? Should I be?

Atheist is a hard word for me. Almost harder than someone actually saying, “I don’t believe in God,” which is the exact definition of the word. I have a hard time with people who call themselves atheists. Not in an argumentative way, but I really want to ask them, “Ok, what do you believe in? Obviously, you know that death is inevitable. Where and how do you see yourself once you cross the line from life to death? Is that just the end and that’s it?"

As I mentioned in my previous blog, I was a fan of Kirk Cameron's back in the 80's. He was so cute!! I'll never forget "the pose" in one of the first episodes where it showed Kirk's backside with a ball cap hanging out of his pocket! I think it was the "Springsteen" episode. Anyway, as a young teenager growing up in the 80's, you just didn't think about whether or not your favorite actor or actress was a Christian (If my parents had found out that he was an atheist, they would have made me take down all my posters and pictures of him). You just drooled over the pages of BOP & Teen Beat magazines and traded the centerfolds and glossies with your friends. But now, I am reading Kirk's autobiography and in it, he says that he didn't grow up in a Christian home. His dad was of the opinion that his children should decide for themselves how they wanted to view God and religion. Kirk says that his mom went to church growing up but after she and his dad married, they never went. The family spent their Sundays at the beach with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Listen to what he says in his book, "Still Growing:" "...my earliest religion choice: to be a full-fledged atheist. I was convinced that God didn't exist, and my dad was fine with that conclusion." Now, this statement comes from a family that obviously set high standards for their children. The Cameron family was very tight-knit family. Kirk wasn't a party-er; the worst thing he ever did was get his ear pierced without "asking permission from his mom." So, how could a lovable, very moral family, allow their children to believe that there is no God? Growing up in a Christian home and accepting God's free gift of salvation at a very young age makes it hard for me to understand that there are people in this world who -today- still say that there is no God. It reminds me of another '80's rock band, Poison, who came out with the song, "Give Me Something to Believe In." Don't atheists believe in something?!? Where is their hope? Where is their yearning for something better? Do they not question their purpose for being put on this earth?

Oh, Father, please give them something to believe in. Open their eyes that they may see You for who You really are.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." --John 3:16.

Kirk Cameron

Okay. I admit it. I use to be in love with Kirk Cameron. What can I say? What girl wasn't? Tuesday nights at 7:30 was a must-see TV night in every young girls' world. Everyone was in love with Mike Seaver! (If I could find that picture Carrie took of me when we were freshman and I was hugging my poster of Kirk in my pep squad uniform, I promise I would scan it and post it here). Imagine my surprise today when I was in Lifeway Christian Bookstore and saw that Kirk has written a book about his life. I love autobiographies and even though I haven't kept up with him (I do know he was in the "Left Behind" movie), I decided to buy it. I love stories about what God has done and is doing in people's lives and those are just stories that you don't hear too much coming out of Hollywood these days. So, check out the book and I'll let you know what I think, too.

Clinging to the Toilet

On the way to Memphis last weekend, I read an article in the May issue of "Woman's Day" magazine by Traci Schrader. On May 4, 2007, Greensburg, Kansas, where Traci and her two sons lived, was leveled by a giant tornado that was estimated to be two miles wide. She says, "The wind made a terrible racket. I yelled, "Get down!" and hunched over Paden with Lee between us, all of us hugging the toilet bowl, with that [futon] mattress over us. In the next instant, I could feel the mattress lifting, then it was gone and the walls were lifting. The tank was lifted off the toilet. I was screaming, "Lord! Protect my children!" The boys were screaming and praying." Later in the article, Traci says, "Our house was totally gone. We're not talking fallen-down walls and rubble. There was no house, nothing left!...Except for the base of the toilet, my house was gone."

But the best part is this: Traci went on to talk about the things that she and her family found in the rubble...pieces of her chili pepper collection, one of the boys' baby blankets, and a piece of a wooden cow that her grandfather had whittled for her. She says, "The one piece of furniture we found was my dresser. It was totally empty, except the top drawer still had my Bible inside." Now, is that not God?

That article brought tears to my eyes and I remembered the Bible verse that said that God's word will not return void. God's word was not destroyed during that tornado! I wonder how long Traci's Bible had been in that drawer? A few days? A month? Five years? The fact is, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if Traci hurridly stuck the Bible in the drawer two seconds before the tornado struck because God's word endures. It endures the storms of life. It endures the heart break of starting over and of going forward. It is the very foundation that we are to build our lives on and just as Jesus' parable says, "And when the storms [of life] came, his house was not destroyed because he built his house on a firm foundation."

Wayne and I have had to replace both the toilets in our house since we've lived in our current home. Now, I'm no plumber, but I've half-way watched Wayne as he has put these toilets in. If my memory serves, the base of the toilet is just "sealed" on the the hole at the floor with this putty-looking gel stuff. No cement. No super glue. Knowing what I "think" I know about toilets, how is it that the very back of the toilet was blown away and the actual toilet itself was not totally gone, also? How could a rubbery looking seal hold a mother and her two sons close during a terrible storm? I believe that when we cling to the one thing that we know and trust we can weather the storm. Even if we have to cling to the toilet bowl.

No Boundaries

My friend came in my office this morning to talk. I told her that I thought about her yesterday during Bill’s sermon. She said, “Really?” and wanted to know what his sermon was on. I told her that he was starting a new series about the gap between our hurts and God eventually healing those hurts. I also told her that I could see how this series would apply to some of the things that I had experienced in my own life in the past. I invited her to come to church with me; told her that she could sit with me and Wayne and that most of the girls in our Bible Study group went to the first service, too. She said that she might come.

I am so careful not to push. I am so worried that if I keep hounding her about Bible Study and church that I might scare her away. But I continue to pray. I pray daily for wisdom and discernment because deep down, the LRH that I know, would never have the words. It is all in God’s divine plan. I truly believe that every word I have spoken to my friend have been God given.

My friend told me that her book and workbook have come in. She said she is working in it. I encouraged her to keep going. One thing she said to me last week was that her counselor told her that she “has no boundaries” or that she needed to “set some boundaries.” That encouraged me because with that comment, I knew she was getting the kind of advice she needs. And it kinda hit the nail on the head as to how I would sum up my friend’s life.

But aren’t boundaries learned? Aren’t boundaries processed conscientiously? Doesn't everybody have some sort of sense about what is right and what is wrong? I think most of the time, for some reason or other, there can be just a simple disregard for them….the “me” concept that says, “I’m just gonna do what I want to do” with no qualms about what is right or wrong. I get that way, too. Sometimes it's because I'm discouraged and I just want to say, "What's the use?" Sometimes it's pride or selfishness. But I think all of us, at one point or the other in our lives, makes that conscientious choice to do their own thing. But as Christians, you can't do your own thing without suffering the consequences or feeling bad, guilty, whatever you want to call it. You simply can't do it. That's part of knowing when you've overstepped your boundary. That's what it's like to live in the flesh and not walk in the Spirit.

Searching

I haven't really talked to my friend this week. I don't like to question her about her permiscuous(sp?) lifestyle, because I feel like that gives her the wrong idea...like I'm more interested in what she's done than whether she is beginning to turn the corner. It's simply better if she just moves forward. But this afternoon, she came in my office and sat a while and talked. She told me that her counselor suggested she read a book and complete a workbook. I think she said the name of it was "Searching for Significance." It sounds like a good start to me. Today for the first time, she begin to "make sense." She knows what she needs to do to turn her life around. If she will just follow through. Anyway, I had forwarded my friend an email that one of my Bible study friends had sent me this morning about answering a prayer for a fellow group member. She asked me if I had my Bible study group a few nights ago...and referenced the email that I had forwarded her. I told her that I did and the reason I didn't think to say anymore to her about it was because I thought if she really wanted to go she would say something to me. My friend said, "Well, I forgot about it, but I probably should have went." I was shocked that she said that. I didn't think she had really shown an interest when I invited her last week.

The fact is, my friend is searching for something. And I know that she's been looking in all the wrong places to find it. Yes, she's made bad choices, but like anyone with a sound mind, she knows the difference between right and wrong. But sometimes I wonder if she's just sorry that she got caught. How long would she have kept this charade going? I guess the good point is that she's trying to do something about it. I think she really wants to turn her life around. And somehow, someway, I feel like I am a part of that. I feel like I am suppose to help her turn this corner. I continue to remember to "love the sinner, hate the sin."

My friend told me that she was going to church on Sunday. She said she was going to church with her parents; said it was a small church. I told her about our church having Easter services at the colesium, but she didn't sound interested. She did make the comment, "I usually go on holidays." I don't know many people who say that. All my friends go to church. But I think she is the exact person who Bill reminds us from time to time that are looking....searching for something....and I know that I may be the only glimpse of Jesus that she'll see. I just pray that even through my mistakes and weaknesses, she will see Him in me and eventually want the same thing for her life, too.

P.S. I forgot to mention the most important thing! I told my friend - when we were talking about my Bible study group - that my group asked about her when we were talking about prayer requests. She said, "They did?" I said, "Yes, they wanted to know how you were doing." I think she was really surprised about that. But it made me feel good that my friends cared enough to ask and my friend was interested enough to ask about my group. Is it God, or what concerning how all this is coming together?

Called By Name

I think it's a pretty special thing that Jesus chose to reveal himself to women first after his ressurection. Out of all the people in the world - His 12 disciples included - He chose women. Most importantly, Mary Magdalene. He could have chose Peter or even John. They had been singled out from amooung the 12 to witness countless other miracles and yet Jesus still chose a woman.

Tonight, I read my Bible Study group out of John chapter 20. It's the story of Jesus revealing himself to Mary. She went to the tomb early that morning, before daylight, to carry spices for the burial of her Savior. When she get there, the stone has been rolled away and there are two angels. They ask her why she is crying. She simply want to know what they have done with her Savior. She turns and sees a man that she thinks is the gardener. He asks her why she is weeping. She begs him that if he knows what happened to Jesus to tell her. Jesus simply says, "Mary."

My mom could get my attention real quick when she said my name a certain way when I was growing up. If she said, "Laura Renee", I knew I was in trouble. If she said it through clintched teeth, I knew I was REALLY in for it! But yet, all Jesus said was "Mary." Simple. Peaceful. Comforting. In that one name, Christ said it all. He said, "I know you weep for me, but there is no need for your tears. I am here. I am alive. Now, be my messenger and go tell others."

My point tonight was that when we earnestly and sincerely go looking for Christ, he will be found. He will call us, acknowledge us, and love us. He will call us by name. For He knows everything about us.

Invitation

I invited my friend to our Bible Study group next week. She didn't say for sure whether or not she would come, but she told me thank you for letting her know. I told her that our group was praying for her and she said she appreciated it. Oh, how my heart breaks for her. But I am so proud of her for the decisions she's making to change her life and her situation.

I went back to the doctor today just knowing that she would think it was time to start weaning myself off the medication. I was wrong. She said as long as I wasn't wanting to kill somebody or myself, then I was fine. When I asked her when she thought I needed to begin coming off the medication, she told me the decision was up to me. I was shocked. I need time to think about that one. I had set myself up that my doctor would make that decision, but now that it's mine to make, I'm not so sure. I guess I have gotten use to the idea of being on medication. Looking back, it was such a hard decision to make in the beginning and now I can tell that it has helped me so much.

Falling Forward

From Sandi Patty's new CD, "Falling Forward":

“When I’m frozen in my failure there’s a whisper, don’t forget
your redeemer somehow uses even what you most regret”

“I simply love the lyric,” Patty says, “because it affirms that God can take us wherever we are and move us forward to where He wants us to be. …There are days I take three steps forward and two steps back, when I’m farther down the road than I was before. I wish we could get there quicker…but someone said ‘life is a compass, not a stopwatch’ and part of the journey is learning that it’s not how fast we get somewhere, as long as we’re moving in the right direction.”

Thirst

I am not quite sure, but I feel responsible for my friend. Not responsible in the sense that it's my fault, but responsible for helping her get past the drama. I feel like God has put this person in my life for a reason.

Listening to her talk, it can be so easy to get involved in the chaos of it all. Sometimes I want to yell at her and tell her how ridiculious she is and the next minute I want to give her a hug and tell her she's going to get through this. I want to scream, "You need to get your behind in church," but I'm not sure it's the right time for that. I feel like the best thing I can do is encourage her and let her know that she's making the right decisions by going to counseling and staying completely away from the men folk.

I continue to pray for words...for wisdom...for guidance. I keep thinking about the woman at the well that Jesus met and how he never condemned her but simply spoke to her. I can't very well tell my friend, "I can give you water that will never make you thirst again," but I can show her what that water looks like in hope that one day she truly never will thirst again.

My Friend

My heart is heavy for a friend. Last Wednesday, she told me that she was having an affair with a married man. This didn't match up with the story she's been telling me all these months about her next door neighbor being her boyfriend. This particular friend is not even divorced. Are you keeping count? That means that there are three men involved. Not including the wife of the married man who is now involved when all this finally blew up last week. My friend's life is a complete mess! She has lied and tried to keep this charade going for far too long. The pressure finally got to her.

I'm not really sure why she decided to tell me all this. Was she feeling guilty? Did she just need to talk and for somebody to listen (and listen I did because I couldn't get a word in edge wise)? All I could do was just sit in shock. I wanted to shake her and say, "What were you thinking? You are the exact reason we married women can't keep our men!!" I wanted to rant and rave! I wanted to tell her just exactly what I thought. But the only thing that kept running through my head while she was talking away and spilling her guts was, "Laura, love the sinner. Hate the sin." My heart went out to her and I felt a sense of compassion.

I've prayed and poured myself out to God asking - begging - for wisdom of words to say to my friend. The opportunity came a few days later. As compassionaty as I could, I explained to her that I agreed with her that she had made a mistake; she had made a mess of things. And that I felt the opportunity to start over began when the whole affair (and drama) blew up. She truly sounded to me like she wanted to walk away....she felt bad about what she had done, the people she had hurt, and she wanted to get out of the situation altogether. She suggested going to couseling and I gave her the name of the best counselor I know.

I talked to my friend today. She sounds good. She went to counseling on Monday and has missed three days of work trying to clean up her apartment (from a ravaging rage by the boyfriend) as well as sort our her thoughts and feelings. I, on the other hand, continue to pray for the words to speak to her. I pray that my life will be an example of God's plan for the marriage relationship. I pray that my life will be an example of God's everlasting love for her.

Hannah Montana

I am struggling with the whole "Hannah Montana" thing. Do I or do I not let Alise get on the HM banwagon? Her 4 year old little cousin watches her. Little girls Alise's age are beginning to get the HM Barbie dolls (the ones that have the button in the middle of her stomach and play a tune when pushed) and even the wig at the birthday parties we've been to recently. What's a mom to do? I did a little research on the internet and discovered that Miley Cyrus - along with her dad, Billy Ray ("Achey Breaky Heart") - and family are professed Christians. I'm not sure how old Miley is in real life (I think she plays about a 15 year old on TV) but she seems to be down to earth and doesn't live the crazy Hollywood lifestyle. I think her parents do a pretty good job of protecting her from that and they try to escape California when the show is not taping by going "home" to Franklin, Tennessee.

One Friday night (during hunting season), Alise and I were flipping through the channels. Hannah was on the Disney channel, so I decided to give it a chance and see what all the hoopla was about. Alise was half interested. She recognized her, but beyond that, she would probably have been much happier watching "The Little Mermaid." Before I knew it, things were getting a little too serious on the show with Hannah -or Miley - I can't keep the two egos straight - kissing her boyfriend. I got up and turned the channel. I was like, no way am I ready for my daughter to be watching stuff like that! Again, Alise hardly noticed.

A few weeks ago, Alise asked for a Hannah Montana t-shirt. Right out of the blue. I think she remembered that her cousin, Brooklyn, had gotten not one, but two of them for Christmas. And when she gave me the HM request, she specifically asked that the t-shirt be pink ("Pink's my favorite color"). So I ran to Wal-mart on my lunch break to buy a pink Hannah Montana t-shirt. It was only $7. But, last week, she asked for the $20 HM Barbie doll (I didn't buy it)!

See, I love the innocense that Alise has right now. All she knows is that the princess marries the prince and they live happily ever after. Is there anything truly wrong with that right now? Does she have to know - at such a young age - how cruel the world can truly be? Not that HM is cruel. Just that maybe that's a party of "growing up" that I'm just not ready for.

I was talking to someone about the HM epidemic a few weeks ago. She told me, "Watch out! You're three year old will be acting just like a 16 year old...attitude and all." Nope. Not ready for that.

So, I think for the time being, the Barbie dolls and wigs and t-shirts are okay. She doesn't understand. She's so much happier playing outside and watching "Cinderella" and "Mermaid." I think I'll keep it that way as long as I can and relish in Alise's sense of happily ever after.

Living Room

I read these verses in Psalms during Bill's sermon this morning: "Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the ocean depths. You care for people and animals alike, O Lord. How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings (Psalms 36:5-7)." I loved those verses! We've been talking in our Bible study group about prayer and praising God for His attributes. These two verses alone identify five of God's attributes: His unfailing love, His faithfulness, His righteousness, His justice, and His care. I love how the verse ends...reminding us that we can find shelter in Him. After all, that's the way God wants us...close to Him, in His prescence.

On my way to the grocery store this afternoon, I was listening to Mark Harris' new CD. Mark use to sing with the group "4 Him." I loved the chourus to his song, "Living Room." Here are the words to the chourus: "So come through the doorway/I've closed in the past/And tear down the walls of my pride/Open the windows and/push out the darkness by/Letting in Heaven's pure light/Banish the silence-open this tomb/Fill up my heart and/Make it Your Living Room." Talk about a renovation!

Prayer

I've been trying to make a conscious effort to pray on my knees in the morning. Sometimes my intentions work out and other times, they don't. It all depends on when Alise wakes up. One morning last week, I had just gotten on my knees beside the bed and began praying when I heard Alise begin to stir in her room. Normally, I go straight to her room when I hear her, but I felt urged to continue to stay where I was and finish praying. A few minutes later, Alise came bounding into our bedroom with the bright light blinding her. She found me on my knees and my hands clasped together. When she was finally able to focus, she said, "Mommie praying?" I said, "Yes, baby. Mommie is saying her prayers this morning." She also noticed that I had in front of me, one of Beth Moore's scripture cards. She looked at it, but never questioned me about it. Later that night, I was putting Alise to bed. Forgetting what had happened that morning, I noticed that she went running into my bedroom instead of kneeling beside her bed like she normally does. When she finally did make it back to her room, I noticed that she was holding on of my Beth Moore cards (I usually keep them on my night stand). The moment touched my heart. Talk about an example to my daughter! Even though she couldn't read the card, I let her hold it while she said her prayers. Here is the verse she held in her hand: "I desire that these things will be remembered before You: my work produced by faith, my labor prompted by love, and my endurance inspired by hope in my Lord Jesus Christ" I Thessalonians 1:3 (personalized by Beth). What a blessing! The moment just made my soul burst with joy because that is my deepest prayer for her is that she will come to know and accept the Lord one day. Amid all the chaos, all the detours and disappointments in life, if I can just live to see that day, then I feel like one of purposes of my life will have been fulfilled.

Kenny

Today was not a good day. I cried on the way to and during church. My heart is so heavy regarding the death of a friend, Kenny Maxey. Kenny and I went to school together from the first grade through high school. We graduated together in 1991, but we haven't seen one another in years. I didn't even know that Kenny still lived here in Monroe. I was going to go to the funeral home tonight, but I wasn't in the mood to see alot of people. I just couldn't pull myself together to see old friends or to see Kenny lying in a casket. I do plan to go to the funeral tomorrow at 2:00. I thought maybe I could go and mourn by myself. Kenny was a great friend. We weren't always close, but having gone through school together all our lives, there was a connection and I am dishearted that this is the first close classmate of mine to die. He was so smart and could have done so many wonderful things! I know I'll see him again one day.

This is the first day since the end of November that I've felt so low.

Jay Leno Quote

"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud
slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one
end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks,
are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of
Allegiance?" ----Jay Leno, comedian

Garth

I had forgotten what a fan of Garth Brooks that I am. I just finished watching his live special from L.A. on CBS. It was a benefit concert to raise money for the wild fires in California.

The first GB song I ever heard was "The Dance." I was a summer intern at State Farm that summer of 1990. I had gotten stuck with a bunch of guys moving storage boxes to a new location off site. Actually, I was suppose to be entering/archiving the boxes in the computer, but for some reason, I ended up with the guys. They were SO cute!! Mr. Burtram was the one that had the Garth cassette (no CDs back then) and I remember that they use to turn the music up really loud and sing. I didn't know the words to the songs, because I didn't listen to country music back then. The next memory I have of a Garth song was in a little later in high school at the pep rallies. Our football players normally walked into the pep rallies to either "We Will Rock You" or "We are the Champions." One week, it happened to be, "Friends in Low Places" and the whole gym went nuts (at least the white kids did)!! My last high school memory, was in senior AP English class. Mrs. Hill - for some reason - mentioned Garth's song, "Unanswered Prayers" during some stupid lit book were were reading. Man, I wish I could remember what book that was!

Graduation came and so did college. Carrie was dating Mr. Wheeler and he absolutely LOVED Garth!! The year after we graduated, Carrie, David and me rode over to Marshall, Texas together to go to the football game and I had to listen to the two of them sing all those Garth songs all the way there! Ugh! By this time, Garth had become a mega star and was beginning to have weekly (or so it seemed) specials on TV. I distinctly remember a TV special sometime around Thanksgiving one year while I was in college. Again, I was with Carrie at another one of her boyfriend's apartment. The TV was on and there were tons of people there watching the special. It was like a "Survivor Party," only Garth was the sole survivor of his own TV show!!

Are those crazy memories or what? But honestly, those are the things that I think about when I think of Garth Brooks. And would you believe that Carrie now lives in the same town as he does?....Owasso, Oklahoma! Her girls go to the same school as Garth's girls. How wild is that?

So tonight, after the special, I got online and began reading about Garth's career and an idea struck me. I read that he had a hard time performing and still having a family life. He officially retired in 1999 and said that he would not begin touring again until after his youngest daughter - Allie - turned 18. That's year 2015! But what got me was what is it in a person that says, "Let me walk away. Let me take a break? My family is more important than the money!" And I am referring to Brittany Spears and all the other actors and performers who are obviously struggling to draw that same line. Here you have a man that has topped all other performers before him - he is only third from Elvis (2nd) and the Beatles (1st) for records sold, who has won countless awards, and surpassed every sales record known to man and yet he stops. He pauses. He walks away. He promises his fans that he will be back and I think that is why he has been able to keep his fan base. They haven't had to hear about all his shenanigans and mess ups. Garth's actions haven't been all over the tabloids because he decided that his family (girls) were more important. The man doesn't even live in Nashville! He is totally removed from all the Hollywood hoopla and instead performs concerts to benefit others in need. To that, I say, "Thank you, Mr. Brooks!! Thank you for providing us with near-wholesome (you have to excuse some lyrics in his songs, but at least you never hear the f-bomb in one of them!)entertainment and for living a life that is so opposite of this new generation. Thank you, that the worst thing that we have to look at on you is your graying peach-fuzz head and that's only when you choose to take your cowboy hat off! There are no nose rings, no tatoos (that I know of). We don't have to check to see if he's wearing his boxers!! We don't care! Why? Because Garth is an entertainer. And I truly believe that that is his heart's desire...to entertain his fans and live a quiet and happy life with his family. Who can argue with that? Who can blame the man for deciding to walk away? I am just so thankful to be reminded that there are performers out there that can live a good and descent life outside of People magazine!

Curve Balls

Psalms 20:7 "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God."

Proverbs 4:20-27 "...Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you..."

I couldn't begin to tell you how many curve balls Satan threw my way today. From emails to meetings, to co-worker's attitudes and even being hung up on, I feel like I faced it all today. And what did I do? I laughed! I actually laughed! A few months ago, the first email I opened this morning would have been enough to send me over the edge and back to bed with sobs! I paused. I stopped. And then I told myself that I wasn't going to let this bother me. This afternoon, when I sat right beside a particuliar person with no pleasantries exchanged - or even acknowledgement made - I told myself, "Ya know what? My God is bigger than you are!" And I silently laughed again. I think maybe God is laughing with me, too! So that's what I did today. I kept my focus straight ahead. I fixed my gaze on the truth.

When I read these verses tonight, I thanked God that I was able to trust Him again. I remember when Dr. Sheppard told me that my faith was the only thing that could get me through the depression, I remember thinking that I didn't have any faith left. I couldn't trust. I could remember the promises I needed to cling to, but my heart was numb. I remember thinking that I can't feel anything, much less trust someone. But everyday, God is strengthening my faith and renewing my spirit. I am learning that my faith has so much more to do with what I believe than how I feel.

Mr. M

Last week at church, Mr. M caught me in the hallway of the children's wing and told me that he woke up one morning the week before thinking about my husband. He said, "You know, the older your husband becomes, the more he is like his daddy was. He would just do anything for anybody and Wayne is that way and becoming more and more like his father." When Mr. M said those words to me, it brought tears to my eyes. I asked him if he would share that with Wayne himself and later, I found the two of them in the hall talking when I went to Alise's class to return the beeper.

I absolutely love when people compare Wayne to his dad. Mainly because it brings back so many (short) memories of a special loved one. Hollis was just a great Christian man in my eyes and so many people appreciated his kindness. He wasn't perfect, but he truly loved God and his family. I've said so many times before - and still wish - that he was still here with us. I, too, can see much of Hollis in Wayne. After all, they have the same name. But Wayne has such a great work ethic. He isn't lazy and he provides for me and Alise. He loves to hunt - something that he and his dad did together. He loves to eat, but his hands aren't quite as big as his daddy's (I don't think).

I am just very grateful that Hollis was a great example to his son. Wayne treats Alise and I like queens and we come first 99.9% of the time - outside of hunting season and work occasionally. He goes to church and I don't have to worry about where he is or what he's doing. He calls me to tell me he loves me and he also calls to ask "what's for supper" in the middle of the afternoon like his dad use to do to Ruth.

So right now - just like I did last week during my conversation with Mr. M - I'm falling in love with my husband again. And not just because it's my birthday!

Brighter Days

I don’t really believe in New Year’s resolutions. I consider making one and think, “what’s the use? I won’t keep it anyway.” So, instead, I tell myself, “well, I’ll just try to do better this year than I did last year.” That just sounds better to me. No promises. No broken promises and no feeling guilty for not keeping those promises.

Having said that, I am thankful that my God keeps His promises. I am thankful that He doesn’t have the same nonchalant attitude that I have when it comes to knowing that I won’t always keep mine. He not only has the “better” plan for my life, but right now, I am resting in the fact that He has the “best” plan.

I can feel my spiritual life growing as I begin to open God’s love letter on a daily basis (mostly) once again. I’ve started using my read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year Bible and I don’t feel guilty about reading it in the bathtub (where I do most of my thinking) or right before bedtime. Once a day, I try to physically pray on my knees beside my bed. It is the most awesome experience. I feel the hand of God on my shoulder and not even Satan himself can touch me during those moments. My attitude about work has changed and for once in a long time, I can say that I am happy.

I remember a few years ago when I began to get disgruntled with Sunday School, I thought, “I’ve heard all these stories before. I’ve gone to church all my life and there is not a single story in the Bible that I don’t know about. There is nothing new to learn.” First of all, yes, you may identify that with pride. I whole-heartedly agree. But secondly, once you’ve heard and know the stories, it’s no longer about how much you know but how God speaks to you through those stories. And maybe that’s where my frustration was. God was no longer speaking.

I am no longer going to counseling. I feel as if I have come full circle. That chapter is over (Thank you, God!). I look back and I think, “Man, those were some dark days!” But I consider myself blessed to have gone and come through that experience. Oh, for the joy of brighter days!

Success

Bill's sermon series for the new year is titled, "How to Succeed at Success" and his scripture verses are taken from Psalms 37. When I first saw the scripture verse on the screen today, I immediately thought of Shaun Alexander, the running back for the Seattle Seahawks and ex-standout at Alabama. I can't see "Psalms 37" and not think of him. After reading his book, it's no wonder that Shaun has had the success that he's had; He is truly a man of God.

But I went to church by myself. I was battling the whole issue of going and most of the time Wayne is the one that insists that He goes and I stay home, but today, it was the other way around. Besides, there was something inside of me that was willing me to go and not just to Sunday School but to church, too. I ended up sitting beside Patti, who is in my Bible study group, and her husband. Little did I know that what Bill was about to preach on was something that I needed to hear (again) and it was so appropriate with the turning of the new year and going back to work. His first point was about "making a wise choice" and he mentioned the "broad and narrow way." The point that struck home with me was about the narrow way being a hard road to take and that even though that's the path that God would have us take, it's not always easy. Boy, did I understand that! This past year was horrible as far as my career path and dreams and goals. And the depression was just the icing on the cake. It was the final straw. But I feel like the choices I made were the ones that pertained to that narrow road. The decision to stay in Monroe, the decision to seek help when I didn't know which way to turn...all those were choices made on that very narrow road and I am so grateful that was God's plan for my life.

He reminded me that God is more concerned about my character and my integrity than anything else. His second point was "don't envy wrongdoers." I have to admit that I've done just that. And it's not that I've 'envied" them...maybe just a strong dislike for those that I feel have caused part of my heartache. But I also know that they are the ones putting in the extra hours....missing times with their kids that are shifted from one household to the next because their marriage ended and maybe there was a third person. That's just too much drama for my life.

On the way home last night, I had a thought. When I was in high school, I was voted "Most Likely to Succeed." In that little album they give you when you graduate? You know the one that you write all about yourself in and what was going on in the world in that year and maybe you stuck other's graduation cards in the little slits? That one. Well, in there I had written something to the effect of that I would never get married or have children. That I was going to be a big time CPA for a corporation in Denver, Colorado. Drive a BMW, make X amount of money a year and wear the nice tailored suits and carry the brief case. That was my dream. Then, last night, it hit me. How much more blessed am I now than I ever thought I could be? I am married to a wonderful husband who I share a precious daughter with. I am a CPA and I do work for a corporation. My car costed - at the time we bought it - as much as a BMW was worth in 1991. I am making more money now than I wrote down in that book nearly 17 years ago. I have the brief case and the suits, but boy that case gets heavy and those pantyhose sure aren't any fun! Because I decided to live my life the way God had planned for me, my life has so much more meaning and value than I could ever think possible! So, in my mind, I am a success. I am more of a success than I ever thought possible. Those goals and dreams in 1991 just prove how naive and shallow I really was. Sometimes it's hard to learn to love the dreams that God has for us and probably most of the time, I've learned that the hard way. I've battled and wrestled with God; I've turned my back on Him in the past and done it my way, but the most important thing, was that I always came back. I always (and hopefully will continue) to come back to the one person who I know is true and has made me what I am and what I am becoming. The Way, the Truth, and the Life.