Success

Bill's sermon series for the new year is titled, "How to Succeed at Success" and his scripture verses are taken from Psalms 37. When I first saw the scripture verse on the screen today, I immediately thought of Shaun Alexander, the running back for the Seattle Seahawks and ex-standout at Alabama. I can't see "Psalms 37" and not think of him. After reading his book, it's no wonder that Shaun has had the success that he's had; He is truly a man of God.

But I went to church by myself. I was battling the whole issue of going and most of the time Wayne is the one that insists that He goes and I stay home, but today, it was the other way around. Besides, there was something inside of me that was willing me to go and not just to Sunday School but to church, too. I ended up sitting beside Patti, who is in my Bible study group, and her husband. Little did I know that what Bill was about to preach on was something that I needed to hear (again) and it was so appropriate with the turning of the new year and going back to work. His first point was about "making a wise choice" and he mentioned the "broad and narrow way." The point that struck home with me was about the narrow way being a hard road to take and that even though that's the path that God would have us take, it's not always easy. Boy, did I understand that! This past year was horrible as far as my career path and dreams and goals. And the depression was just the icing on the cake. It was the final straw. But I feel like the choices I made were the ones that pertained to that narrow road. The decision to stay in Monroe, the decision to seek help when I didn't know which way to turn...all those were choices made on that very narrow road and I am so grateful that was God's plan for my life.

He reminded me that God is more concerned about my character and my integrity than anything else. His second point was "don't envy wrongdoers." I have to admit that I've done just that. And it's not that I've 'envied" them...maybe just a strong dislike for those that I feel have caused part of my heartache. But I also know that they are the ones putting in the extra hours....missing times with their kids that are shifted from one household to the next because their marriage ended and maybe there was a third person. That's just too much drama for my life.

On the way home last night, I had a thought. When I was in high school, I was voted "Most Likely to Succeed." In that little album they give you when you graduate? You know the one that you write all about yourself in and what was going on in the world in that year and maybe you stuck other's graduation cards in the little slits? That one. Well, in there I had written something to the effect of that I would never get married or have children. That I was going to be a big time CPA for a corporation in Denver, Colorado. Drive a BMW, make X amount of money a year and wear the nice tailored suits and carry the brief case. That was my dream. Then, last night, it hit me. How much more blessed am I now than I ever thought I could be? I am married to a wonderful husband who I share a precious daughter with. I am a CPA and I do work for a corporation. My car costed - at the time we bought it - as much as a BMW was worth in 1991. I am making more money now than I wrote down in that book nearly 17 years ago. I have the brief case and the suits, but boy that case gets heavy and those pantyhose sure aren't any fun! Because I decided to live my life the way God had planned for me, my life has so much more meaning and value than I could ever think possible! So, in my mind, I am a success. I am more of a success than I ever thought possible. Those goals and dreams in 1991 just prove how naive and shallow I really was. Sometimes it's hard to learn to love the dreams that God has for us and probably most of the time, I've learned that the hard way. I've battled and wrestled with God; I've turned my back on Him in the past and done it my way, but the most important thing, was that I always came back. I always (and hopefully will continue) to come back to the one person who I know is true and has made me what I am and what I am becoming. The Way, the Truth, and the Life.