Bible Study

I am so pumped about what God has laid on my heart to discuss at our next Bible Study group in January! As I was taking Alise to school this morning, my mind was racing with thoughts that God gave me. I went straight home and pulled out my Bible and started reading and writing. I prayed for wisdom and that God would speak through me next time we meet.

There are times when I wish our group was closer than we are, but it's hard when you only meet once a month. Everyone's schedule is so busy that it's hard to pencil in time just for ourselves to spend time together and with God. But in the time that we've been together, God has done some pretty amazing things in the area of our jobs. Four of us out of the seven have had changes either in our job or responsibility and all for the better. We've also gained a new memeber who I really like because she is so matter of fact. There isn't anything that I wouldn't do for these girls. And my number one prayer when we're together is that they take a little nugget of something that can encourage their walk with Christ. That's all that matters to me.

I Am

Revelations 1:8 "I am the Alpha and the Omega - the begining and the end," says the Lord God, "I am the one who is, who always was, and who is still to come - the Almighty One."

Hannah Whitall Smith asks, "What does this "I am" include? I believe it includes everything the human heart longs for and needs. This unfinished name of God seems to me like a blank check signed by a rich friend given to us to be filled in with whatever sum we may desire. The whole Bible tells us what it means. Every attribute of God, every revelation of His character, every proof of His undying love, every declaration of His watchful care, every assertion of His purposes of tender mercy, every manifestation of His loving kindness - all are the fulling out of this unfinished "I am."

The Moon

Did anyone notice the moon tonight? It was so bright and white. I asked my dad if it was a full moon and he said yes and that he had noticed a tiny star right beside it when he had gone outside earlier. I don't usually make it a habit of noticing the moon that much unless maybe my daughter is with me. She likes to point it out in the twilight sky on our way home at night. But for some reason, the white circle shown much brighter tonight and I thought it was so beautiful.

As I left my parent's driveway later and saw it's beauty again, the thought that came to mind was of last March when I drove in Atlanta traffic by myself. Even now, I'm not quite sure why that particular thought popped in my head. Do you want to know what I REALLY thought at that moment? I thought, "What kind of crack was I smokin' when I drove in Atlanta?" Now, to some, driving in a big city may not bother them, but I knew that my dad was worried sick about me back home and my mom told me later, "You don't know how many people were praying back home for you!". I've told the story and admitted that God literally carried me on that trip. I was wrapped and cared for in His hands by the shape of a Ford Tarus. All I had was my sunglasses, Mapquest directions to Rome, Georgia, and a bottle of water. But the thought about "what was I smokin'" was more in the sense of "who am I to think that I could do that in my own power" and I became completely humbled on the way home tonight. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was with me on that trip, but tonight, I thought how in the world could I have ever done that on my own? And then I looked at the moon and realized that if God could create something so beautiful...a celestial star that could control the seasons and ebb and flow of the sea, what more could He do with me and my life? The moon looks so small from where we are, but it's role is so important. God's sovereignty is so important, too, and that's something else that I thought about. He rules. He is ruler of all creation because He is the Creator. Everything belongs to Him.

I like to refer back to that trip to Rome, Georgia, last March because it is a spiritual alter for me. I truly thought that when I left that Sunday morning on a plane to Atlanta, and with the circumstances of events that happened that day, that God was moving me and my family there. All roads pointed to Rome. To this day, I do not understand how abruptly things changed. And I was almost tempted - just now - to type "how God changed things" but yet, God doesn't change. God changed me. God changed my heart and thus began the journey....the journey of depression...the journey of finding myself again. It's ironic - I think - that I would go to the Christian bookstore the day before I left to go to Rome and buy Chonda Pierce's book, "Laughing in the Dark" which is more or less her own personal journey through depression. No special reason. I liked Chonda Pierce and so I thought I would buy her book. Little did I know that that was where it all began. I knew nothing about what God was about to do in my life.

The moon. Just a big round ball in the sky that comes out at night after the sun goes down. We've seen pictures of it. Man has walked on it. And most of the time, we don't even notice it. We don't notice it until God - in all His sovereignty - gives us a reason to notice and to remember.

God Revealed

Luke 2:6-7, "And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn."

I just love this picture! Can you imagine these sweet baby feet being the Holy feet of God? Ten perfect little toes. Perfect, indeed. It amazes me that a great, magnificent God allowed Himself to be poured into a tiny babe. What a miracle! What love! What sacrifice!

Father, I thank you for the miracle birth of your son. And even though I will never be able to comprehend the "how" from this side of Heaven, I choose to believe that you sent your son; that he was born of the virgin Mary and that he later died for my sins. I thank you for the love and perfection that was poured in to that little baby that night when there was no room for you to lay your head. I pray for the wisdom to always have room for you in my heart and in my life.

Mammogram

I have to have a mammogram!! I nearly fell off the exam table when Dr. Sheppard gave me the news at 5:30 tonight!! Yes, you read right! It was completely dark when I walked out of the Women's Clinic tonight at 6:00! My appointment was at 2:30 this afternoon. I heard alot of the patients grumbling about the wait, but I wanted to say that after you've had Dr. Sheppard holding your hand during your entire pregnancy and then help you push your tiny one into the world, you'll wait all day to see her! I feel that strongly about my doctor! She's the best!!

Anyway, back to the mammogram. We were talking...she was reading my chart and all of a sudden, I heard her say, "We're going to get you ready for a mammogram, too." I was like, "What? What did you just say?" "A mammogram!" I said, "Dr. Sheppard, I'm not old enough for a mammogram!" She said, "Laura, I'm only two months older than you and I've already had mine. You can do it! Com'on!" I didn't know whether I wanted to cry or laugh! Dr. Sheppard laughed. She said she normally recommends her patients get their first mammogram at 35 because that way she has a "base line." She thought the whole conversation was hilarious and I was more in shock than anything. I definitly wasn't expecting THAT today at my annual visit! One thing she did tell me was that she was worried about me after my last visit. I don't know if I mentioned it earlier in a blog, but I went to see Dr. Sheppard in October on advice from my boss. I poured my heart out to her. She told me today, "Laura, I'm going to be honest with you. I was really worried about you the last time I saw you. I was very concerned. But you look great today. When I saw you in the hall about a month ago at the hospital, I thought, "Oh, she's doing good. She looks good." And seeing you today makes me feel good that you're okay and you're beating this thing!" Now, that is coming from a doctor that lost twins at 23 weeks this year. I feel like my depression troubles are nothing compared to her situation, but she told me tonight, "I just keep trusting that God's got something bigger and better in store for me and I just keep thinking that it's going to be worth the wait." Wow! What a survivor!

Tonight, I drove home, still in shock. The whole situation was so funny that I began to laugh....laugh out loud, that is. And then I thought about the verse in Philippians 4:6, "...but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God." The "with thanksgiving" part is what stuck in my head. So what did I do? I started thanking God right there in the car for everything and anything that related to boobs! I said, "Thank you, God, first of all, for my boobs. Thank you for a great boob doctor. Thanks, God, for all the boob machines and equipment (aka "technology"). Thank you, God, for the boob doctors that will read my results and thank you for the boob nurses (clarified later) that will help me through this rather embarrassing ordeal. Thank you, God, for boob laughter. I just knew that me and God were laughing together! So I called my friend, Leigh, who is a mammo tech (not a nurse. Techs do the mammograms...shows you how much I know about the clinical side of healthcare. Just give me a ten-key, please!) and cried in the phone, "Leigh!!! I've got to have a mammogram!!!" She called me later and we laughed about it. She said she would "fix me right up" and "not pinch me." She said that I "had connections!" We laughed again.

What a great day! Who in their right mind would have ever thought that I would be laughing about a mammogram!!?? And of all things to be laughing about after coming out of the darkness these past few months? God has been so good these last few months to place two special women in my life to remind me about the special gift we have called life. Sharon and Dr. Sheppard have encouraged me so much! I've left both of those women feeling like I was on top of my game again with God. And it is the best feeling in the world, knowing that you are walking closely with Him!

Conscious Choices

I recently bought the new Beth Moore “Whispers of Hope” daily planner. It is filled with monthly and weekly calendars and each week there is a new Bible reading and devotion from Beth. I’m hoping it will bring a little organization and calmness to my life. Would you believe the first devotional was about organization and creativity? Here is a quote from that devotion: “What God is doing in your life right now may not make sense to you…It’s because He’s creative. God wants us to surrender to His will, but we tend to want a blueprint of His plans so we can decide whether or not to surrender. In His wisdom, God knew the work [first three days of creation] was good because He knew what was coming next. He knows what’s coming next for you. That’s why He can judge His work in you as good.” Those few sentences described me to a T! It’s so hard to imagine that God has got something even better planned for my life.

When I think back to this day a week ago, it is so amazing at how quickly circumstances and situations (emotions) can change. Last Monday was just awful with the dream and yet no sleep and all the other hoopla that went along with it. And yet today has been such a blessing! Today has been a day of great triumph for me personally. This morning I talked to my old friend and boss who has relocated to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. It was with the most awesome peace that I was able to turn down her job offer for the Controller position there. I have no second thoughts. Sharon Evans was so right when she said that God will give you what you need when you need it. Each and every day, I am making a conscious choice to trust and believe that God has got something way better planned for my life. I say a “conscious” effort, because there are days when I really don’t want to believe it and yet by the strength of God’s grace, I do. It is truly a remarkable feeling to know – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that you are living in the will of God and resting in his promises for tomorrow.

Thank you, God, for every blessing, every heart ache, every tear, and every promise. Thank you for the Grace to hold on even when I feel like all hope is gone. Thank you for your Son, in whom I place my trust.