Searching

I haven't really talked to my friend this week. I don't like to question her about her permiscuous(sp?) lifestyle, because I feel like that gives her the wrong idea...like I'm more interested in what she's done than whether she is beginning to turn the corner. It's simply better if she just moves forward. But this afternoon, she came in my office and sat a while and talked. She told me that her counselor suggested she read a book and complete a workbook. I think she said the name of it was "Searching for Significance." It sounds like a good start to me. Today for the first time, she begin to "make sense." She knows what she needs to do to turn her life around. If she will just follow through. Anyway, I had forwarded my friend an email that one of my Bible study friends had sent me this morning about answering a prayer for a fellow group member. She asked me if I had my Bible study group a few nights ago...and referenced the email that I had forwarded her. I told her that I did and the reason I didn't think to say anymore to her about it was because I thought if she really wanted to go she would say something to me. My friend said, "Well, I forgot about it, but I probably should have went." I was shocked that she said that. I didn't think she had really shown an interest when I invited her last week.

The fact is, my friend is searching for something. And I know that she's been looking in all the wrong places to find it. Yes, she's made bad choices, but like anyone with a sound mind, she knows the difference between right and wrong. But sometimes I wonder if she's just sorry that she got caught. How long would she have kept this charade going? I guess the good point is that she's trying to do something about it. I think she really wants to turn her life around. And somehow, someway, I feel like I am a part of that. I feel like I am suppose to help her turn this corner. I continue to remember to "love the sinner, hate the sin."

My friend told me that she was going to church on Sunday. She said she was going to church with her parents; said it was a small church. I told her about our church having Easter services at the colesium, but she didn't sound interested. She did make the comment, "I usually go on holidays." I don't know many people who say that. All my friends go to church. But I think she is the exact person who Bill reminds us from time to time that are looking....searching for something....and I know that I may be the only glimpse of Jesus that she'll see. I just pray that even through my mistakes and weaknesses, she will see Him in me and eventually want the same thing for her life, too.

P.S. I forgot to mention the most important thing! I told my friend - when we were talking about my Bible study group - that my group asked about her when we were talking about prayer requests. She said, "They did?" I said, "Yes, they wanted to know how you were doing." I think she was really surprised about that. But it made me feel good that my friends cared enough to ask and my friend was interested enough to ask about my group. Is it God, or what concerning how all this is coming together?

Called By Name

I think it's a pretty special thing that Jesus chose to reveal himself to women first after his ressurection. Out of all the people in the world - His 12 disciples included - He chose women. Most importantly, Mary Magdalene. He could have chose Peter or even John. They had been singled out from amooung the 12 to witness countless other miracles and yet Jesus still chose a woman.

Tonight, I read my Bible Study group out of John chapter 20. It's the story of Jesus revealing himself to Mary. She went to the tomb early that morning, before daylight, to carry spices for the burial of her Savior. When she get there, the stone has been rolled away and there are two angels. They ask her why she is crying. She simply want to know what they have done with her Savior. She turns and sees a man that she thinks is the gardener. He asks her why she is weeping. She begs him that if he knows what happened to Jesus to tell her. Jesus simply says, "Mary."

My mom could get my attention real quick when she said my name a certain way when I was growing up. If she said, "Laura Renee", I knew I was in trouble. If she said it through clintched teeth, I knew I was REALLY in for it! But yet, all Jesus said was "Mary." Simple. Peaceful. Comforting. In that one name, Christ said it all. He said, "I know you weep for me, but there is no need for your tears. I am here. I am alive. Now, be my messenger and go tell others."

My point tonight was that when we earnestly and sincerely go looking for Christ, he will be found. He will call us, acknowledge us, and love us. He will call us by name. For He knows everything about us.

Invitation

I invited my friend to our Bible Study group next week. She didn't say for sure whether or not she would come, but she told me thank you for letting her know. I told her that our group was praying for her and she said she appreciated it. Oh, how my heart breaks for her. But I am so proud of her for the decisions she's making to change her life and her situation.

I went back to the doctor today just knowing that she would think it was time to start weaning myself off the medication. I was wrong. She said as long as I wasn't wanting to kill somebody or myself, then I was fine. When I asked her when she thought I needed to begin coming off the medication, she told me the decision was up to me. I was shocked. I need time to think about that one. I had set myself up that my doctor would make that decision, but now that it's mine to make, I'm not so sure. I guess I have gotten use to the idea of being on medication. Looking back, it was such a hard decision to make in the beginning and now I can tell that it has helped me so much.

Falling Forward

From Sandi Patty's new CD, "Falling Forward":

“When I’m frozen in my failure there’s a whisper, don’t forget
your redeemer somehow uses even what you most regret”

“I simply love the lyric,” Patty says, “because it affirms that God can take us wherever we are and move us forward to where He wants us to be. …There are days I take three steps forward and two steps back, when I’m farther down the road than I was before. I wish we could get there quicker…but someone said ‘life is a compass, not a stopwatch’ and part of the journey is learning that it’s not how fast we get somewhere, as long as we’re moving in the right direction.”