A Sliver of Hope

Sometimes the best thing about church, is that even when you may not want to be found, God finds you. I couldn't concentrate on Bill's sermon today. For the first time in a long while, I had a desire to open my Bible. I wanted to try to find a verse that described how I've been feeling these past few months. My mind turned to David. After all, he was "a man after God's own heart." Did he ever suffer like I am? I know he was stressed from constantly being on the run from Saul, but were there days that he just wanted to run into a cave and let the world go by? I began reading in Psalms, but it seemed like every chapter I came to spoke of "Praising God" and my heart just couldn't do that. And then I found Psalms 22:1-2: "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?/Why are you so far from helping me/and from the words of my groaning?/O My God, I cry in the daytime, but You do not hear,/and in the night season, and am not silent." It almost seems sacreligious to quote that verse after the One who died on the Cross and uttered those same words. But now, as I write these words, it hits me that I am not alone. Even Christ felt abandoned by His Father. How much worse was His affliction than mine? Mine seems so minute against the backdrop of the Cross. And yet, it's still there. All the confusion, disappointment, dispair, saddness and anger are still there. Even David asked, "why?" And now, I think about the plan that God had for his life...to make him King of Israel.

Maybe today was a gift. For the first time in a long time, I feel that I have just a sliver of hope.