Use Me

Notes from Bill's sermon: 40 Days of Community: Evangelism
April 29, 2007

Personal Evangelism
1. Begin with an attitude of unselfishness
2. Bathe it in prayer - "Prayer Makes You Aware"
3. Build relationships through shared interests
4. Learn to love people - "How can I pray for you?"
5. Share your story - You are the message!
6. Be a genuine friend
7. Live expecting God to act
8. Imitate Christ be reflecting His character - Philippians 2:15
Bill said, "Our most dangerous prayer is when we pray, 'Lord, use me'".

As I was listening to Bill's sermon this morning, a person I work with popped into my head. Let's just call her Diane. I've heard from other co-workers that Diane is having an affair with a married man. She has confided this fact to one of my employees, but she has never said anything to me specifically. The only thing that Diane has mentioned to me is that she's interested in her next door neighbor (not the guy she's having the affair with). Once, I asked my employee, "I wonder why Diane doesn't tell me these things?" She responded, "Oh, Laura. Diane couldn't tell you about all that. She knows that you're not like that." When my employee first told me that, I was a little hurt. Hurt because I wasn't enough of a friend for Diane to confide in. But what my employee meant by her comment, was that Diane knew that I wouldn't approve of her behavior and that I was "different." In other words, I was a "goody two-shoes" (another phrase that has haunted me my whole entire life, but we'll get into that at another date). I wondered to myself what I would have said to Diane if she had told me what was going on with her. I know I would have told her that she was wrong and that I didn't approve of the lifestyle she was living.

But today, Bill said that God places people in our lives for a reason, and I thought about Diane. We already have a shared interest. We're both bean counters. I've tried my best to be a genuine friend and to reflect Christ's character. But to be honest, I haven't even thought about praying for Diane. She told me once that she grew up Baptist and I mentioned our church celebrating Easter at the Colesium, but that's just about all the "church" talk we've had. And probably the reason I haven't thought about praying for Diane is because I didn't think it would do any good. This morning, I was reminded that my faith has been shallow. I haven't allowed God to act in this situation. I had already written it off as hopeless.

So, I've had a change of heart. I pray that God will prove me wrong. I pray that where I may see a hopeless situation with Diane, that He will see an opportunity to act in a way that I could never imagine. I also pray that God will "use me." Obviously, Diane already feels that I'm "different." Now, I pray that God will give me the opportunity to talk to her--but not about what she's doing wrong, but about what God has done in my life. Pray with me for Diane.

Sam

Those words, "I think I got saved today" would later haunt me in my high school/college/young adult years. It was during those years that I did some things that I am not particuliarly proud of today and so they're not really worth mentioning. But I did begin hanging out with friends who weren't Christians and I got involved in an unhealthy relationship with a guy who wasn't a Christian, either. I was living the life of a backsliden Christian. I had one foot in church (because my parents made me go) and the other who knows where! My life was in a state of flux and for the first time in my life, I began doubting my salvation. All I could think about were all the unhealthy things I had done and how there was no way possible that God could ever forgive me. I became numb to the Holy Spirit. I simply no longer cared. I was doing what I wanted to do.

Then, out of the blue, a guy from my church called me up and asked me if I would be interested in going on a date. Let's just call this guy Sam. Sam was a great guy and he attended the local Christian school where he was a star football player. His parents and older brother attended our church and his family was well respected. I was shocked that Sam was calling me. After all, he had dated off and on with alot of the girls my age in our church and I was a little wary of him. But for the first time in a while, I felt I needed a change. My relationship with the other guy wasn't going that well and we eventually broke up. Sam and I dated for a summer and our relationship changed my life forever. God used our dating relationship to draw me back to Himself. You see, even though I knew that I was dating the "wrong guy," I was secretly praying that God would send a Christian guy my way. And so, for that summer, Sam was that guy. But we eventually broke up, too. I don't remember the reason exactly, but I remember being so hurt because I had trusted Sam with alot of details about my life. Not that he would ever think about sharing that with someone ( to my knowledge, he didn't), but it was such a bittersweet break up for me. I thought Sam was the guy, but God thought differently.

If there is one thing that God continues to teach me over and over again, it's that, "... My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord" (Isaiah 55:8). And sometimes my expectations are so high, that I am left hurt or disappointed, which is what happened with Sam. But I am convinced that God used a guy like Sam to bring me back into a relationship with Him. Now, of course, there were other moments of disobedience, but I can honestly say that I never strayed from the Lord as far as I had been prior to Sam entering my life. Everyone has heard the old phrase, "where God closes a door, He opens a window." And that's exactly what happened. The window He opened was the pathway that lead to my Christian husband.

The Beginning of the Journey

A friend asked me once why I like to write. I don't consider writing a passion for me; however, I do--from time to time--like to express my thoughts and feelings by writing them down. You see, writing began for me at Christmas time the year I was in the third grade. A single friend that my mom worked with gave me a Christmas present. It was a pink diary from Hallmark. I can still see Betsy Clark on the front of it (Does that bring back memories, or what?). Thus began my writing and journaling. Now, for a third grader, you know that there wasn't very much to those writings. "Went to school. Saw Andrea. Went bicycle riding with Melinda." Lots of misspelled words. But as I grew older, that same practice became a part of my every day life. I have hot pink spiral notebooks that recount just about every single day of my life in high school...all written out in purple or pink ink...in cursive or print...recounting who said what and what had happened on that particuliar day. I've hidden those diaries. I haven't looked at them in years. More from embararssement at my shenanigans in those days and simply for the desire to keep the past buried. Sometimes, the past just isn't worth re-reading.

I say all of this because I want you to understand that this blog--The Journey--is more about me than my family. It's simply another diary of my present life. But I want it to be more than just a review of the day's events. I'm hoping that it will be more about the spiritual journey that I'm on. More uplifting and a blessing to others as they read and discover the God that I know and love and His merciful work in my life. I haven't mentioned The Journey blog in the Horton Family blog simply because this one is personal. If others happen to stumble across it, then that's fine. If you enjoy it, please pass it on to others.

As for the pink Betsy Clark diary, I still have that one, too. It's at my parent's house buried in a box somewhere in the attic. But there is a line in that diary, written in print and in blue ink. It's on about the third page and it reads: "I think I got saved today." That pink diary represents the beginning of The Journey.

The Will Of God

"Out of the will of God there is no such thing as success; in the will of God there cannot be any failure." --Author Unknown